I used to be – actually still am, technically – a certified Personal Trainer. I’ve been into fitness for the past 20 years.
Sixteen years ago I got pregnant for the first time and had five babies and two miscarriages between 2001 and 2008. It took it’s toll on my body. I suffered from Postpartum Depression and I ended up with a very weak body. I took the time to learn how to train safely. I’ve researched a lot of other things related to fitness so I know a lot. More than a lot of trainers out there.
2016, A Year to Forget
However, this past year has been brutal for me. I’ve always been prone to depression and anxiety. But 2016 has been exceptionally tough. I’ve struggled with self doubt and emotional eating. Suffering from plantar fasciitis since summer 2015 has not helped. Usually I walk and find relief from my anxiety. However, walking has been painful up until a few weeks ago. Add onto that raging – or waning – hormones leading me into perimenopause and an adrenal fatigue diagnosis two months ago and you can see why I’ve been feeling like a wet rag this year. Wet, bloody rag, I might add.
All this sitting on my butt was getting to me. Facebook didn’t offer me any help. It just deepened my self doubt. The world of fitness trainers is 98% full of picture perfect bodies.
Finding authenticity in the fitness world is rare and that bothers me me.
Me in my glory days.
Certified Kettlebell Instructor, Certified Personal Trainer, Certified Pregnancy & Postpartum Trainer, Certified Children’s Coach.
Self-confidence level: zero.
After taking a brief hiatus from Facebook, I found out about NaNoWriMo for the first time. Intriguing! Could I write fiction? Up until this point, I had been writing non-fiction. Mainly fitness, pregnancy, and parenting articles which I was getting paid for, minimally.
I figured I had nothing to lose so on October 1st, I began preparing for NaNo.
October was tough. But I kept at it. Even though I took a short break during the third week, I still finished off the month by hitting my word goal: 50,000 words. I couldn’t quite believe I had done it! It was harder than I thought it would be but at the same time, so much more fun than I had ever guessed!
I was hooked. Writing fiction was cathartic.
I could make my main character however I wanted. She was prettier than me. Thinner than me. A better mom than me. A better wife. And in the end, she came out stronger than me. Rather than feel bad that I wasn’t as good as her, I admired her while still being content to be the imperfect wife and mother than I am.
November 1st came and I started off writing right on schedule. 1667 words a day, minimum. I completed the first piece/novel I began in October. Then I began the second novel. I struggled with it too, but I kept working at it, every single day.
Being able to enter in the number of words I wrote each day on the NaNo website was satisfying. I was doing something. I wasn’t great at writing, but I could put in the work. My words right now don’t always come out as I imagine them in my head but I know that will come with time. But in fitness, I could hardly live the lifestyle. My workouts were short and my belly was growing from stress, hormones, too much chocolate.
The Writing Tribe
I entered the writing world hesitantly. I didn’t know what to expect. Was it full of cocky, self-absorbed perfectionists like the fitness world? I’m sure there are those writers out there, but I found a welcoming community full of people doing the best they could on whatever they were working on. They had bad days and they had good days. But each day, they approached their project and gave it what they could.
I could breathe. I could let my belly hang out and no one would care. I could be myself.
With writing, you come as you are. You do what you can and each day is different.
Writers get that. Writers teach that.
And that’s the way it should be. Even in fitness. Especially in fitness.